Language Based Jokes

At Total Fluency we know how important it is to be in a good mood with your language learning.  Why not check out one of “Language Based Jokes” to get in the mood before today’s practice.

  • Five vowels, 12 consonants, a comma and an exclamation mark appeared in court today. They are being sentenced next week.
  • I avoid clichés like the plague.
  • Whoever put the letter B in subtle deserves a pat on the back
  • Autocorrect has become my worst enema
  • Name two pronouns! Who me?
  • Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes? They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions.
  • What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.
  • What is the least spoken language? Sign language
  • Not to brag, but I’m fluent in 10 languages. English and Binary.
  • Nothing, in the English language, starts with n and ends with g. Nothing
  • English is the Devil’s language. Why is it spelled: camouflage And not:
  • I’m close friends with just 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
  • Why are apostrophes terrible to date? They are too possessive.
  • Which dinosaur knows a lot of synonyms? A thesaurus.
  • How does Voltaire like his apples? Candied.
  • What happened when the verb asked the noun to conjugate? The noun declined.
  • What do you call Santa’s little helpers? Subordinate clauses.
  • “I’ve just had the most awful time,” said a boy to his friends. “First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy.” “Wow! How did you pull through?” sympathized his friends. “I don’t know,” the boy replied. “Toughest spelling test I ever had.”
  • A linguist walks in to a doctor’s office and says “Doctor, I have a rash around my mouth”. After close inspection, the doctor says “hmm, looks to me like it’s perioral dermatitis,” to which the linguist replies “yeah, that’s what I said.”


Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, How Come Fingers Don’t Fing.

If The Plural Of Tooth Is Teeth

Shouldn’t The Plural Of Phone Booth Be Phone Beeth

If The Teacher Taught,

Why Didn’t The Preacher Praught.

If A Vegetarian Eats Vegetables

What The Heck Does A Humanitarian Eat!?

Why Do People Recite At A Play

Yet Play At A Recital?

Park On Driveways And

Drive On Parkways

How Can The Weather Be As Hot As Hell On One Day

And As Cold As Hell On Another

You Have To Marvel At The Unique Lunacy

Of A Language Where A House Can Burn Up As

It Burns Down

And In Which You Fill In A Form

By Filling It Out

And A Bell Is Only Heard Once It Goes!

English Was Invented By People, Not Computers

And It Reflects The Creativity Of The Human Race

(Which Of Course Isn’t A Race At All)

That Is Why

When The Stars Are Out They Are Visible

But When The Lights Are Out They Are Invisible

And Why It Is That When I Wind Up My Watch

It Starts

But When I Wind Up This Poem

It Ends.


  • I went on a date with someone who also spoke the Zulu language. We clicked right away.
  • What word in English language do people always spell incorrectly? Incorrectly
  • My favourite word in the English language is frequently. I try to use it as often as possible.